Last Day and Some Important Details

Ahh, the last day. It has not escaped me that we leave on the 4th of July.  Do not worry, I have already completed my patriotic duty of getting drunk and lighting off dangerous fireworks.

Some assorted details I forgot:  there will be four of us going, all high school buddies. Me and Thony, and also David and Ressa.

Ressa is basically the whitest kid ever.  He eats mac n cheese and hotdogs, looks a lot like Justin Bieber (despite being the oldest of us), and talks a lot about the Stock Market.  My goal is to put him in as many culturally challenging positions as possible.  Like in the warm embrace of a Thai ladyboy. You know, to open his mind.

David is basically me but smarter. Good company.

Now, for a long time I was under the impression that this was it, us four merry pranksters.  Out of the blue one day Thony messages me "Oh by the way my parents and 15 year old sister are going."

WHAT?

Initially I was not thrilled about this. Tony's mom calls him at least 5 times a day, just to ask him what kind of sub he got from Subway. Jesus man, you can't even sever the cord for a month?

Now that I've had time to think I'm actually glad they're coming. They'll only be with us in Laos; Vietnam is our own thing.  And we are staying part time in their Columbian Drug Mansion, so I'd be a whiny bitch to complain.  But also Tony's parents are actually really funny and cool to hang out with. I've also been assured that we can go off on our own for a few days, perhaps with one of Tony's cousins or uncles as a guide.I'm cool with it all around.

(Sidenote:  I saw Thony's parents luggage the other day.  They are bringing 700 pounds of stuff.  That's not a joke. Literally, they are bringing 700 pounds of stuff.  They have fourteen fifty pound suitcases and each of us will check two of them for free.  What are they bringing?  Fuck if I know)

I thought I'd also clear up some common misconceptions.  When I tell people I'm going to Vietnam, 90% of the time I'm asked "Oh, is it safe for Americans over there? You'd better be careful!" As in insinuating that Charlie is still hiding in a hole eating sticky rice with his AK-47 waiting for me to waltz by.  Now, I say stupid shit all the time, so I understand where you're coming from here guys.  But no, the war ended almost 40 years ago. Those effected the worst by it are dead.  For an entire new generation, the war is a distant memory, something out of a history book. They don't hold a grudge any more then we do.

Of course my parents are still worried sick. My father has shared with me many pearls of wisdom, like to "watch out for tigers and jungle snakes," as well as a two part warning against AIDS (he seems convinced I'll have sex with a prostitute, and also told me to watch out for people who might squirt blood into my eye. What?). But my father also locks the door to our house when he goes outside to get the mail and wouldn't let me outside in the entire state of New Jersey.

It's probably not very nice of me, but I whenever my parents annoy me with their paranoia I quote facts like "Did you know Laos has the most active landmines of any country?" or "Wow, I didn't know methamphetamine was so popular in Asia, did you?" Oh well, they'll live.

The real cause for concern is illness from unclean water, as well as high degrees of petty theft and tourist scams in places like Saigon. If any one of us gets sick it'll basically fuck all of us, so if you could say a prayer for me that would be good.  Something along the lines of "Dear God, please don't let Nate get diarrhea."

Hopefully I'll find some time to update this when I'm over there. I might be too busy fucking prostitutes though.

Bon voyage or something.  Peace out America!