Preadventure briefing

I've been avoiding writing this for a few reasons.  One, I'm not sure what tone to take. Who is my audience? Will they get where I'm coming from?. Should I really write about watching girls shoot ping pong balls out of their vaginas with the off-chance of my mom reading this?

I've decided yes, yes I should. And I should write about prostitutes, eating dog, diarrhea, smoothies, crying at the war museum, and whatever else strikes me as interesting, profound, or funny. I should write about whatever the fuck I want. Because this is my trip down memory lane, dammit, and if you don't like it, poop on you! So there.

That being said, writing without an audience in mind is just jerking off, and trust me, you won't get any pleasure from watching me jerk off. At least my neighbors don't. So if you are willing to spend a few minutes reading my diarrhea of the fingers, then know this: I'll do my best to make it quick, fun, and above all, honest. Capiche?

A quick debriefing: during this trip I traveled primarily with three friends who I've known since highschool and earlier. They are:

Ressa. Ressa is 21 but he looks like Justin Bieber. He likes typical White People things like Polo Shirts, the Stock Market, Ohio State Football, and Macaroni and Cheese. He has a learning disability in reading, which I insist makes him legally retarded, and is the least artistically inclined person I have ever met. I will be making fun of him approximately 30,000 times in this blog. Admittedly, he's good at math and logical shit and has a paid internship this fall at NASA building self-propelling moon-drills. Ooooooooh, big deal, I'm soooooo impressed. I could build moon drills. I just don't won't to because they're stupid.

David. David is a 7 foot black pastry chef who I met in juvy. JK, he's another lanky white kid studying engineering. Luckily he's not as much of a dweeb as Ressa.

And Tony. Tony's the important one, the one who planted his southeast asian seed in my mind long ago (skull-fucking pun) Tony is a first generation half Lao, half Vietnamese boi with family and connections in Asia. He likes fast cars, motorcycles, and competition, so basically he's an extra out of Tokyo Drift. You'll get to know Tony plenty because he has so many embarassing stories ahead.

We were accompanied (in Laos at least) by Tony's parents and 15 year old sister. PARRRRTYYYY. In reality we pretty much did our own thing most of the time, so it turned out okay. In fact, Tony's parents, being locals, were responsible for many of my best memories in Asia, and were incredibly generous and kind-hearted towards me for no reason other then I've been doing dumb shit with Tony for a few years. So I extend a profound thanks to them.

Enough blathering. Let's go to Laos.